Rebuilding Bridges: Restoring Trust When ADHD is in the Mix

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As both a mom and a clinical mental health counseling intern at Oaks Family Care Center, I’ve walked through the confusing, overwhelming, and sometimes heartbreaking moments that come with raising or working with a child who struggles to focus, manage emotions, or feel like they truly fit in. I’ve also seen how powerful it is when a child begins to understand their brain—and feel understood by the people around them.

That’s why I decided to take part in a professional training series on ADHD through PESI. This journey has been deeply personal and incredibly eye-opening. My goal is to become the kind of counselor who not only knows the science, but also speaks the language of compassion—especially to families who are exhausted, misunderstood, and just looking for hope.

This training focuses on evidence-based, neurodiversity-affirming approaches to care. That means we’re learning not to “fix” a child with ADHD, but to understand them. To celebrate their strengths, support their challenges, and create a space where they don’t have to carry shame for being wired differently. And let’s be honest—how many of our kids have felt the sting of being told they’re too much, too loud, too distracted? I hope my own reflections and takeaways from this series can give you tangible tools and insights to help you and your child navigate life with ADHD. - Kimberly

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Understanding Trust and ADHD

Trust is the foundation of every strong relationship. But when ADHD is part of the picture, keeping that trust steady can feel like walking on shifting ground. ADHD isn’t just a childhood condition. It often follows individuals into adulthood, quietly affecting emotional regulation, communication, memory, and follow-through.

When these challenges aren’t fully understood, they can lead to repeated disappointments, missed expectations, and emotional distance. You may find yourself feeling frustrated, hurt, or even hopeless.

Here’s the good news: trust can be rebuilt. Healing doesn’t require perfection. It requires understanding, compassion, and a commitment to consistent, intentional actions that restore connection.

Practical Strategies for Rebuilding Trust

1. Name ADHD’s Role

Recognize that ADHD is a brain-based condition, not a character flaw or moral weakness. This understanding shifts conversations from accusation to collaboration. Books like The ADHD Effect on Marriage by Melissa Orlov can be a helpful starting point.

2. Separate Intent from Impact

Many hurt feelings arise not from intent, but from the impact of behaviors. Phrases like, “I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, but it still felt hurtful” help couples communicate with empathy and accountability.

3. Use a Reset Cue

Agree on a short phrase or word to pause tense moments before they escalate. This simple tool helps both partners regulate emotions and re-enter the conversation more calmly.

4. Schedule Emotional Check-Ins

Consistency builds safety. Choose a regular time each week to ask: “How are you really feeling this week?” “Is there anything I missed or misunderstood?”

5. Celebrate Small Wins

Acknowledging progress - no matter how small - reinforces trust. “Thank you for remembering” or “I noticed you paused before reacting” helps rebuild connection and goodwill.

6. Break the Shame Cycle

ADHD often carries a history of criticism and feelings of inadequacy. Couples therapy that blends self-compassion with practical strategies (such as Emotionally Focused Therapy or ADHD-informed CBT) can help partners heal and reframe their narrative.

7. Seek the Right Support

An ADHD-informed counselor or coach provides tools tailored to your unique dynamics and offers a safe, neutral space to address patterns without blame.

How ADHD Can Disrupt Trust

ADHD symptoms such as forgetfulness, inattention, impulsivity, and emotional reactivity can unintentionally create relational ruptures, like:

• Forgotten commitments — often caused by working memory challenges, not a lack of care

• Emotional outbursts — linked to difficulty regulating frustration or sensory overwhelm

• Inconsistent follow-through — rooted in executive dysfunction, not disinterest

• Hyperfocus — intense concentration on hobbies or work that can leave a partner feeling sidelined

Without awareness of ADHD’s role, these behaviors can be misread as laziness, selfishness, or indifference. Over time, this can create a painful cycle of blame, defensiveness, and disconnection.

Encouragement for Parents and Partners

If ADHD has complicated trust in your relationship, you are not alone. Many couples face the same challenges, and many also find renewed connection and hope.

Rebuilding trust is not about “fixing” your partner. It’s about building mutual understanding, emotional safety, and grace for one another. Every small act of patience, every choice to listen rather than react, strengthens the bridge between you.

“Be completely humble and gentle; 

be patient, bearing with one another in love.” 

 Ephesians 4:2 (NIV)

Grace and growth can walk side by side. Love doesn’t demand perfection; it thrives in humility, patience, and daily recommitment to one another.