More Than a Label: Rebuilding Confidence in Kids with ADHD

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As both a mom and a clinical mental health counseling intern at Oaks Family Care Center, I’ve walked through the confusing, overwhelming, and sometimes heartbreaking moments that come with raising or working with a child who struggles to focus, manage emotions, or feel like they truly fit in. I’ve also seen how powerful it is when a child begins to understand their brain—and feel understood by the people around them.

That’s why I decided to take part in a professional training series on ADHD through PESI. This journey has been deeply personal and incredibly eye-opening. My goal is to become the kind of counselor who not only knows the science, but also speaks the language of compassion—especially to families who are exhausted, misunderstood, and just looking for hope.

This training focuses on evidence-based, neurodiversity-affirming approaches to care. That means we’re learning not to “fix” a child with ADHD, but to understand them. To celebrate their strengths, support their challenges, and create a space where they don’t have to carry shame for being wired differently. And let’s be honest—how many of our kids have felt the sting of being told they’re too much, too loud, too distracted? I hope my own reflections and takeaways from this series can give you tangible tools and insights to help you and your child navigate life with ADHD.

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For children and teens with ADHD, the emotional toll of being misunderstood can often hurt more than the symptoms themselves. Over time, repeated corrections, critical labels, and unfair comparisons can quietly chip away at a child’s self-esteem – leaving them feeling “less than” their peers, even when they’re doing their best.

Unfortunately, many of these children have heard words like:

“Lazy”

“Unmotivated”

“Too much”

“Not living up to their potential”

These labels are not just hurtful; they’re harmful. Children internalize them, and over time, they begin to see themselves through the lens of failure, rather than through the truth of their unique wiring.

Psychologist Dr. Ari Tuckman and ADHD advocate Jessica McCabe (of How to ADHD) highlight this reality powerfully. Jessica, who lives with ADHD, speaks openly about the emotional weight of growing up misunderstood—despite her intelligence, creativity, and drive. Her story mirrors what so many kids experience silently.

Why Labels Stick — and Hurt

Children with ADHD receive exponentially more negative feedback than their neurotypical peers—up to 20,000 more corrective or critical messages by the time they reach adolescence (Barkley, 2010). That kind of constant correction teaches kids to expect failure and question their worth. But this isn’t because they aren’t trying. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects attention, impulse control, and executive functioning. It’s not about laziness; it’s about a brain that is wired to process information differently. When parents, teachers, and caregivers don’t understand this, the default response often becomes criticism instead of curiosity.

What You Can Do as a Parent

The good news is this: you can change the narrative. You can be the voice that speaks truth louder than the labels. Here’s how:

• Reframe the message: Help your child understand that struggling with organization or focus isn’t a moral failure. It’s a brain-based challenge that can be supported with tools and strategies.

• Use identity-affirming language: Instead of saying, “You’re so disorganized,” try “Let’s work on a system that fits your brain better.”

• Model self-compassion: When you make a mistake, narrate it with kindness. Your child is watching how you treat yourself.

• Create “wins”: Build confidence with tasks your child can succeed at. This rewires their belief system and reduces shame.

• Utilize narrative therapy principles: Invite your child to tell their story differently. Who are they outside of ADHD? What are they proud of? What do they want others to know about them?

  
  

Encouragement for Parents

If you’re tired of watching your child carry the weight of shame, know this: you’re not alone. And neither are they. The world may see what they can’t do, but you have the power to remind them of who they are.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

— Psalm 139:14

Your child was created with purpose, strength, and beauty - even in their struggle. Don’t let the world define them by what they lack. Help them see themselves through the eyes of grace, truth, and unconditional love.