When Your Child Feels “Too Much”

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As both a mom and a clinical mental health counseling intern at Oaks Family Care Center, I’ve walked through the confusing, overwhelming, and sometimes heartbreaking moments that come with raising or working with a child who struggles to focus, manage emotions, or feel like they truly fit in. I’ve also seen how powerful it is when a child begins to understand their brain—and feel understood by the people around them.

That’s why I decided to take part in a professional training series on ADHD through PESI. This journey has been deeply personal and incredibly eye-opening. My goal is to become the kind of counselor who not only knows the science, but also speaks the language of compassion—especially to families who are exhausted, misunderstood, and just looking for hope.

This training focuses on evidence-based, neurodiversity-affirming approaches to care. That means we’re learning not to “fix” a child with ADHD, but to understand them. To celebrate their strengths, support their challenges, and create a space where they don’t have to carry shame for being wired differently. And let’s be honest—how many of our kids have felt the sting of being told they’re too much, too loud, too distracted? I hope my own reflections and takeaways from this series can give you tangible tools and insights to help you and your child navigate life with ADHD.

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For many children with ADHD, the hardest part isn’t the inability to sit still or finish a task. It’s the emotional pain of feeling misunderstood, unwanted, or rejected. If you’re a parent who has watched your child withdraw after being left out, cry over small criticisms, or lash out when feeling embarrassed, you may be witnessing the effects of something called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD).

What Is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?

RSD is a term used to describe the intense emotional response some individuals with ADHD experience in response to perceived rejection, criticism, or failure. Even small comments or social interactions can lead to overwhelming shame, sadness, or fear of abandonment. For many children and teens, this looks like:

• Avoiding group settings or school events

• Overreacting to minor corrections or teasing

• Saying things like “Nobody likes me” or “Why am I like this?”

• Shutting down or becoming angry after a mistake

This reaction isn’t a sign of immaturity or defiance. It’s often rooted in how the ADHD brain processes emotional stimuli. Studies suggest that individuals with ADHD have heightened sensitivity in emotional regulation areas of the brain, particularly in the amygdala and prefrontal cortex (Shaw et al., 2014). That means their emotions can feel more intense and harder to control.

Why This Matters

Social struggles often lead to isolation, low self-esteem, and anxiety. When a child experiences frequent peer rejection or internalizes failure, it shapes their self-concept. They may begin to believe they’re inherently flawed or “too much” for others. Over time, this can increase the risk of depression, social anxiety, and school avoidance. However, you can offer hope with emotional safety and connection.

What You Can Do at Home: Emotional Safety & Connection

As a parent, your child’s emotional world may sometimes feel like a rollercoaster, but your steady presence is a powerful anchor. Here are a few strategies to help your child navigate RSD and social anxiety:

1. Name it without shame: Teach your child to recognize RSD as part of their experience, not their identity. Let them know it’s something you’ll work through together.

2. Use scripting and role-playing: Practice social situations at home to help them build confidence. Try phrases like, “What could you say if that happens again?” or “Let’s practice how you’d respond.”

3. Reframe negative thoughts: Gently challenge distorted beliefs with truth. “You’re not unlikable—you’re learning how to connect.”

4. Celebrate small wins: Acknowledge moments of courage, not just outcomes. “You said hello even though you were nervous. That was brave.”

5. Create emotional check-in rituals: Use colors, emojis, or feelings charts to help your child express how they’re doing without pressure.

6. Use affirming narratives: Speak truth over your child. Tell them often that they are loved, accepted, and capable—especially when they don’t feel it.

In counseling, these techniques are used to help children build emotional resilience and social awareness without shame. At Oaks Family Care Center, we incorporate these tools in our work with both individuals and groups, empowering kids to trust themselves and others again.

To every parent whose heart breaks watching their child struggle: you are not alone. And neither is your child. God sees them, knows them, and calls them by name. Let that voice be louder than the pain of rejection. Let that truth be the foundation your child stands on.

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.”

— Isaiah 43:1